Monday, March 7, 2011

Doormat By Chalene Johnson

I had a good weekend trying to fix the leaking roof from the hail damage that took place. I was a huge "hail hole" *sigh.

Went to the butterfly house to see the Blue Monarchs that are there for the month and they were amazing. Plus it was 79 degrees in there and only 37 outside so I felt like I was at the beach.

Workouts = Zero
Eating out = 5 Guys Burgers plus Chinese food but the rest of the week my meals were spot on.

I wanted to re-post this blog because I have been reading some things on how changing yourself can change your life. And learning patience when something is not working, I need to change ME. Communicating is key but working on yourself really makes your life so much better.

Stop being a doormat By Chalene Johnson (get the rest of it here at her blog

“Do” because it gives you joy, not because you want to make sure the world loves you. It is self-destructive behavior to think that you must become a doormat in order to make everyone happy. You can’t control the happiness, nor are you responsible for controlling the happiness of the people around you.

Many people pleasers excuse their behavior by saying, "but I don't want to let anyone down." What they're really saying is, "But I want everyone to like me." By failing to respect yourself, your own time, your own boundaries and what's important to you, others actually lose respect for you.

Don’t fall prey to misguided guilt. In recent years I offered to teach several classes as a volunteer for a small start-up gym to help get things kicked off. By this stage my fitness career had taken off and I had sold my share of videos to the world. I didn’t need to teach financially and I certainly knew that my “volunteering” at this club was of a tremendous benefit to the owner. At one point I remember having to tell her at the last minute that I wasn’t feeling well and wouldn’t be able to teach a well-publicized class she had scheduled the next day. My girlfriend asked if I was “concerned” that the owner might be angry with me. Of course not! That’s the kind of thinking that turns people into doormats. When you’re doing what’s right. When you’re doing your best, you can’t worry if someone else thinks you should be doing more.

Did I feel bad that I wasn’t going to be able to make it? Of course! But I certainly had done more than my share to help the club.

It is very unlikely your friends, family or partners will ever know what it is you want unless you have the courage to specifically ask for it and ask for it in a way that is not accusatory. Remember, you taught this person to do the opposite! Learning to teach people how to treat us takes practice, patience and the confidence to know that you are worthy.

Be both honest and kind and prepared to have to repeat your request consistently over time. Once you have asked for the change, you must be consistent. Don’t go back to your old ways a month later. If nothing changes and you’re still being treated poorly, reevaluate the benefits, or lack thereof in this.

When small strides are made, even if it’s not even close to what you’d consider perfect, be sure to praise the other person. Tell him or her how much that meant to you. Before long you'll see things change. Relax. Don't rush this and remember to keep your heart open. A closed heart never sees the small gestures of progress.


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